The Twilight Saga: Eclipse - A Male Perspective

Unfortunately, every review I’ve read online for Eclipse was written by a woman, and when it comes to the The Twilight Saga, it somehow seems that women have completely lost their minds. I saw the movie on a Monday morning, almost a week after its unconventional early-in-the-week release. The theater was packed with women of all ages, some escorted by very patient significant others, and of course a few die hard movie fans like myself.

The women seemed to take no heed to the “don’t add your own soundtrack” warning after the previews. They giggled constantly, cheered when characters were shirtless, awed when they kissed, and the young lady sitting next to me interjected some cat-calling language that I’m sure would bring a lawsuit if directed to her from some construction workers. Surprise, surprise, there is a double standard.

A day before I saw this movie, I witnessed a heated Facebook “argument” over who was going to marry which character. It took a great deal of restraint to keep from jumping in the middle of it and posting a reminder that these people are not real.

Females are reacting to this movie like they are combining heroine and ecstasy, atomizing it, and pumping it though theater ventilation systems. Here is why. Every image and conversation is specifically designed to cater to an unachievable fantasy of what women perceive romance to be. It makes no sense to a logical male mind. For example: A coming threat is leering on the horizon. Conversations are frantic about “preparing” and “training” and “getting ready”. Cut to Edward and Bella lounging in the middle of an idyllic field of flowers having a casual conversation. This happened multiple times. Girls see it as romantic. Guys see it as the illogical nonsense it is.

The one bright spot in the film was support of marriage. Edward’s dedication to abstinence from sex before marriage is a positive. Even in the face of Bella’s constant bombardment pushing for sex, Edward stays constant to his moral commitment. His explanation, however, was a little weak, citing an old-fashioned “that’s how it was” reasoning. Bella ridicules him calling it an “ancient” standard and pushes for a “sex now” mentality. For those of us that work with youth, this sounds too familiar. It appears that Edward is winning this battle so far in the series, much to the chagrin of the fairer sex seated around me. Also, a conversation between Bella and Charlie about whether the institution of marriage has any value comes through with a positive but unlikely “yes” from Charlie, even though he is an unmarried divorcée. Hurray, Charlie!

My advice to women: Don’t get your hopes up. These people aren’t real. No one will treat you like that. Fantasy and reality clash. Men will protect you, but they have physical limitations with no super-human strength, impossible speed, or telepathy, and we can’t change ourselves into extra large wolves. We can’t read minds. Don’t expect it.

My advice to men: See this movie with your girl. She will hold you tight during it and be very affectionate afterwards. Go directly to a sporting goods store and buy a pair of boxing gloves and a 100lb bag – because she will ignore the last paragraph and you will eventually need a safe way to vent your frustration.